6 Distinctions I Made in 36 Months

On the verge of turning 30 at the beginning of 2015  I found myself in a rather unfamiliar position as any stability or security I had known to be true had all of the sudden evaporated. I had just got out of the only truly significant  relationship I had ever been in which expanded throughout most of my twenties. My career had made somewhat of a sharp U-turn as I left the banking job I had for six years and vowed never again to return to the industry. My living situation was up in shambles as I lived in a condo with the woman whom the relationship had just ended. I am pretty grateful to have loving and understanding parents who took me back in my childhood home with open arms until I figured things out and got myself a place of my own again. 

So there I was single for the first time in nearly seven years, with the majority of my personal things boxed up in my parents garage and starting off my business as a real estate broker with no income coming in. To say I was a bit nervous is an understatement but a part of me was truly excited as I had the rare opportunity to completely reinvent myself with the knowledge of prior life experiences at a relatively young point in life. 

In the past three years I feel I’ve made the following distinctions about business and life in general. 

1. Don’t collect people, collect relationships:

We live in an era where we are consistently collecting things.  It could be shoes (women collect heels, men collect sneakers), watches, credit card reward miles, we even collect magnets of different places we’ve traveled to so we can put them on the fridge. I’ve realized that we also collect people. We build our Facebook, Snapchat, Instagram and twitter pages to have long lists of “friends” yet when we have parties or go out for a couple drinks we always reach out to the same group of friends.  Family? How often do we just see our relatives a few times a year during the holidays? For many of us this is sadly the case and it should change. 

The quality of relationships we have with those in our life is one of the most important aspects of life that will determine our level of fulfillment and meaning. Personally, I’ve always made it a habit to build relationships with those that help make my life easier but are often taken for granted by others such as my mechanic Cesar, Paulita who gives me my haircuts twice a month or my banker who shall remain nameless ☺.  Although, I’m proud of the relationships I’ve built with these individuals, I’m also embarrassed to admit that at times my most basic relationships such as those with close family and friends lack consistency and attention. I didn’t actually make this distinction until I started observing friends and colleagues that seemed to always be “in demand.” You know that person. Everyone knows a person like that. Their phone rings at least a few times every time you are with them and its always someone different calling. This person is invited to six different weddings a year it seems like and is always going to different events around the city or even the country. This person will see countless benefits in their life both professionally and personally due to the surplus of relationships they have created. I’m not suggesting you have to become a socializing MVP. I’m simply saying call those close to you in life. Collect relationships, not people.

2. Don’t look for one perfect Mentor, its okay to have many

The list of famous Mentor-Mentee relationships is long and impressive. The late Steve Jobs mentored Mark Zuckerberg during the early stages of Facebook. Despite not meeting Warren Buffet until 1991 when Bill Gates had already accomplished a great deal of success in business with Microsoft (In terms of net worth he was ranked #2 in 1991 according to Forbes Magazine with an estimated worth of $4.8 billion at the time) Bill Gates contributes much of his continued success, vision and decision making in the last 26 years to his close relationship with Buffet saying he’s a great friend and that, “he’s like a father figure to me.” The great philosopher and author Ralph Waldo Emerson was an important mentor figure for well-respected Henry David Thoreau. Aristotle was a protégé of none other than Plato; two men whose work we still refer back to for wisdom and guidance thousands of years later. Many forget that before Thomas Edison and Nikolai Tesla had a very public and ongoing feud about the best type of electricity AC or DC, Tesla actually sought out Edison for an apprenticeship as he had grand admiration for all his achievements.  Tony Robbins often credits Jim Rohn for mentoring and inspiring him early in his career. Oprah credits Maya Angelou for having a big impact on her successes both personally and professionally and the list goes on so it is only natural that we as thriving individuals are looking for that one perfect person to guide us but that is not always the case. The truth is its ideal to have several throughout our life or at any given moment. 

The best man I have ever met and my greatest “life” mentor is my Father. I don’t say this because it is what a son is supposed to say but rather because I truly believe it. He has taught me so many life lessons about a never-ending amount of topics and I realize how fortunate I am and that makes me that much more grateful for what he has given me. However, my grandfather, another great man, has taught me things that my dad never could. Now if I wanted to learn how to expand a business in 12 months to create seven figure revenues or keep a rock solid six-pack throughout the summer I’m certain both my Father and Grandfather would agree I should seek the advice of someone else and that is the whole point.  

It’s okay to have many.

What I failed to mention earlier was that Michael Jordan was mentored by his father, his high school basketball coach (who cut him from the varsity team) Dean Smith – his biggest influence and coach in college before he even met Phil Jackson and together they went on to win Six NBA championships. Academy Award winning actor Anthony Hopkins has been known to have at least 7 different coaches helping him strengthen his skills in the many facets of acting like movement, tone, dance, breathing, etc. 

Ask yourself what it is you want to get better at and find someone to help you get better at it while at the same time not overwhelming yourself with who it is. Learn from everyone, become a sponge that absorbs all the good nuggets of information given to you then apply it to your life. Your own mentor, to start, doesn’t have to be the best at what they do, they can simply be better then you, that’s enough. 

For example if you are a high school football player and your dream is to play in the NFL odds are that you don’t have a current/former NFL player as a coach or mentor but you still have your high school coach. Why not befriend him, arrive early or stay late for practices pick his brain about all things football, his former days of glory when he played regardless of what level it was at. Tell him your goals and ask him for advice on how to achieve them. Meanwhile read books (another source of mentorship), consume information that will push you closer to achieving your goal and keep your eyes peeled for another possible mentor that could take your thinking, talent and actions to the next level. 

In my own life I have noticed how at times mentors have come in my life, guided me on certain things that were prevalent in the moment then faded out as we both evolved as individuals and I now realize that’s okay. 

Sometimes people outgrow each other. Don’t look for one perfect mentor, its okay to have many. 

3. Be Ready, Even when you’re not 

Being a Real Estate Agent along with being single helped me learn this lesson pretty quickly. Some of you are already laughing wondering where I’m taking this. Just hold on tight for the ride. 

Starting off in the business of Real Estate was all about building relationships with potential referral partners in the hopes of getting new clients, selling real estate and therefore making money which was a scarcity for me working on commission, relying on long sale cycles and no pipeline. I needed to network! So I would make cold calls and warm calls to financial advisors, attorneys, CPA’s and anyone else who I felt could help my business. Setting up appointments with these individuals was challenging first because they didn’t always want to meet with me for coffee and secondly because their schedules were very busy and they couldn’t always commit to a time and day. Sometimes I would get a call from a mortgage banker for example on a Tuesday morning saying, “Felipe, I got out of my loan closing early. Want to grab coffee in half hour at the diner on…?”

Inner Monologue – “Half hour? Uhhh…No way.”

They would catch me at the gym, at the office dressed casually, unshaven…anywhere but ready.”

I quickly learned that being a Real Estate Agent is much like being a local politician. If you want to be successful you are always “on”. You’re next or current client is anywhere. At the grocery store, gas station, bank, gym, street festival, etc. You don’t have to look like you are about to be on the red carpet in Hollywood at all times but remember to do your best to look presentable, decent. I couldn’t expect to grow my business getting caught walking around town like it was laundry day with bed hair. 

As my business grew and I gained clients I was again reminded to ‘be ready, even when you’re not.’

I would meet with a client for a buyer’s tour and he/she would say, “I’ll just get in your car. I’ll ride with you.” I wasn’t expecting this. I was expecting the clients to follow me in their car. 

“Sure. Let’s do it.” I’d say, but my inner voice again said, “Damn it. This car is filthy in here. It’s embarrassing.” I wasn’t ready.

Client: “What are the taxes on the first property we are looking at?”

Me: “Uhh…Let me check.”

Inner Me to me: “Damn it. I’m not ready”

Client: Do you have a business card I could give to my Aunt who is looking to sell her home…?”

You get my point.

However I realized this applied to more then just my new career it was also coming up in my dating life. An area that was also growing and gaining new clients

When you’re taking a girl out on a first date you want to impress her but mostly just not look like an amateur so you could perhaps persuade her for a second date. 

I had many moments of not being Sir Prince Charming.

I have always had the habit of never carrying cash with me. Bad habit but habit nonetheless. So here I am taking my beautiful date to a nice restaurant and I pull the car up to valet because Downtown Chicago parking is nonexistent when the nice valet man gives me the ticket charging me $15 and says, “Cash only”

My heart drops as I am simultaneously trying to problem solve while kicking myself internally for not being ready for this moment. 

I have two options: One - Try to scramble around the area for an ATM or Two - Ask my date who is now looking at me suspiciously if she has any cash she can spot me. 

I go with the easiest path logistically and ask her to spot the valet.  

Talk about romance. 

I know I have clearly lost brownie points and my little slip up has affected the vibes even if just briefly. 

On another night with another date we went out to a comedy show and had a great time.  It was still early when the show was through and we wanted to continue the night so on a whim I called a good friend to see if he wanted to meet us with his girlfriend then go into the city for a couple drinks. They agreed so we all decided to meet at my place for a drink before we head out together. Only problem was my place needed some tidying up.

The iron and ironing board was out, papers on the desk, clothes on the bed, dishes in the sink and garbages filling up. 

My condo didn’t look like a tornado had spun through it but first impressions being first impressions I could’ve made a better one if I was prepared.  

Luckily, she was impressed I ironed and granted me a second date. 

This principal affects every area of your life. It is about anticipating your needs, your clients needs and unforeseen circumstances in a way that although you can’t predict them you are still able to easily adapt.

You never know who is going to jump in your car. You can’t predict who is going to knock on your door and offer you an opportunity of a lifetime. There is no way of knowing when the stock market will crash but what you can do is find a way to ‘be ready, even when you’re not.’

4. Days Become Months

I was at the gym one night resting between sets when a guy wearing a sleeveless shirt with a tattoo across his bicep catches my attention. I squint my eyes to decipher what his tattoo says and I read, “DAYS BECOME MONTHS’. 

“Thank you Captain Obvious” I thought to myself but after my sarcastic persona had faded away I reconsidered the statement. Sometimes the simplest concepts are the most profound.

It’s true ‘Days become months’. Just like seven days become a week. Thirty become a month. 365 become a year and 28,000 become a lifetime.

The fact remains that no matter how you group day’s time never stops. Not for you, not for me, not for anybody. This is why its uber important to inch towards your goals; hopefully you do it daily. 

If you want to write a book don’t overwhelm yourself with the big goal. Most people overwhelm themselves with what they don’t have.

“You have to find a publisher and I wouldn’t even know where to find one.”

“There’s not enough time”

“I don’t have an audience that would want to read my book.”

We haven’t even written a word and we are already giving ourselves reasons as to why it woudn’t work. 

You want to know what you need to write? 

A pen, a paper and the will to write. That’s it. If you want to get really fancy you could use a laptop available at your local library. 

The truth is if you wrote a paragraph a day for a year you would have about 73,000 words which is enough for two or three good sized books. 

 Sometimes just doing enough to keep the candle lit on your goals is necessary. This is the reason why some of us have monthly gym memberships still active even though we haven’t stepped foot in there in months. We have this hope that we will one day make it a habit to start going on a weekly or daily basis. 

My take…

Ease into it. Start going once a week and make sure you actually enjoy it.  Don’t judge yourself too harshly because you don’t know how to use the machines. Break a sweat and be proud of yourself. One day a week, will become two and slowly you will build momentum. 

‘Days become months’ is about taking life one day at a time while keeping in mind that the clock is always ticking. 

How I could relate this the most to my life is the path I took to get my College Bachelor’s degree.

The typical timeline to get such a degree is designed to be accomplished in four years; it took me twelve. 

Yes a dozen years. It was brutal. 

I didn’t take advantage of the standard 18 to 23 age bracket to get my degree so when I finally buckled down and decided to make it a priority I was working a full time corporate job and was limited to the amount of classes I could take a semester. 

When I saw how long it was going to take me to graduate I was overwhelmed and almost quit but then I took a step back and asked myself, 

“Will I be upset when I’m 50 if I look back and acknowledge I quit, didn’t get a degree and am now a college dropout?” 

The answer was yes so I decided to take it one day, one class and one semester at a time knowing that time would pass regardless.

Would I have preferred to do it in less time? Duck yes. I sacrificed many sacred Chicago sporting events that I wish I would’ve been a part of but I’m happy to have seen it through and not quit. 

I am super proud of my sister, Nathalia who is going through this educational grind right now. Despite being the mom to three little girls, a wife and full time elementary teacher; she is also getting her master’s degree. Nathalia juggles all these responsibilities while taking classes on the weekends. She will tell you how difficult and big of a sacrifice this is for her. However, she will also tell you that the sacrifice will be worth it when she graduates and tastes victory in May of this year because she knows that days become months. 

5. Pick up the Good Habits 

When I was a young kid my parents (and teachers sometimes) would be like crime detectives investigating and inquiring about any new friends I brought home or started spending a lot of time with. It became so exhausting having to answer mom’s twenty questions about whom I was associating with that I eventually didn’t invite anyone over unless I knew mom and dad approved.

This taught me the importance of selecting only a few quality friends, people that had strong good character.

I now understand why my parents and teachers were so protective about whom my friends were.  They didn’t want me to be negatively influenced; they didn’t want me to pick up the bad habits of guys they knew were up to no good.

It seems to be human nature that we are more likely to pick up the bad habits. Perhaps its because the bad habits are represented by pleasure. Imagine a friend telling you these for example:

“Let’s go to the next Bar.”

“One more drink.”

“I just ordered a deep dish pizza.”

“Let’s watch one more episode of _____ Netflix show. It’s only midnight.”

All that sounds pretty fun to me. The bad habits are normally the ones that include fun and doing less ironically.  

Full disclosure: I have been this friend above as well.

There’s a famous Spanish proverb that says, “Tell me whom you surround yourself with and I will tell you who you are.”

We are inevitably going to have “acquaintances” or friends in life that may not influence us in the way we would like them to but we still find ourselves spending far too much time with them. This could be for several reasons that at the moment are beyond your control. Here are a few possible examples of these relationships:

• Co-workers (You might not be friends outside of work but are forced to collaborate together on a daily basis)

• Family members (for some of you this is true)

• Friends (Yes even certain long term friends.)

• Teammates in a sports recreational league you belong to.

• They are part of a larger social circle that you are a part of. 

Throughout our lives our social and work environments will evolve and thus so will our relationships that reside in them. Can you think of a former colleague or college friend you were really close with years ago and now you hardly talk, that’s if you talk at all? Odds are you have such an experience and that’s normal. 

My point here is this. 

Choose to surround yourself with people who elevate you, support you and most importantly believe in you. However, no matter how much you try you will find yourself in situations, at times, around these same individuals my mom and dad tried to keep me away from. 

And you know what? That’s okay.

For every ten bad habits that this person has they must have one good habit. Find the good in that person. What is one special skill that they possess that you don’t have or could improve on? Why not add it to your arsenal of skillsets? Pay attention to this person and acknowledge their talent in this area. 

Leave all the bad habits that will weigh you down from this person at the door and instead, pick up the good habits. 

6.  You vs. you. That is all. Don't judge too harshly, don't praise too highly.

This was my favorite distinction and I feel the most important I’ve made so I chose to leave it as the last one. 

For most of us we are constantly in a silent two-headed battle. 

The first and foremost is the battle with ourselves. Often we find ourselves not doing what our inner voice wants us to do. The inner voice is telling us to go to the gym as we had planned but our actions tell our inner voice to shut up as we stay laying on our couch relaxing and binge watching our favorite show. The inner voice says “Go home, its late and we need to wake up early tomorrow feeling refreshed.” Our actions negligently ignore the inner voice and make it a long night and short morning. There is an obvious conflict here; a disconnect. What’s worse is that for most of us this is an issue we deal with on a daily basis. 

If you feel you’re inner voice and outer actions are always in sync; I salute you.  I wouldn’t say you have conquered yourself (one never does) but you have certainly strengthened your willpower muscle. 

“The biggest conundrum in life is that we could be our own best friend and influence or our greatest enemy. The choice is ours.”

 Have you ever felt that you have sabotaged your own success? Where you knew the right recipe that would take you to the Promised Land and yet you got in your own way?

(I raise my hand. Anybody else?)

If we are honest I think we can agree that this has happened to all of us at some point. Often times it has to do with conflicting ideologies.

We want to conquer the day but we also want to sleep in. 

We want six-pack abs and a good physique but we also want to eat whatever our heart desires. 

With side-by-side goals like this we are bound to go from treating ourselves with ‘self love’ to ‘self hate’ very quickly. 

My recommendation? Befriend yourself. I know I know it sounds crazy but hear me out. 

You can communicate with your inner voice and build a relationship with it just like any other relationship you have in real life by listening and giving feedback. Your mind will find answers for whatever questions you ask it, so ask yourself good empowering questions.

Are you in the middle of a challenging situation? 

Don’t ask:

“Why does this always happen to me?” Your mind will spit out a million reasons as to why it always happens to you. (This may be a good question for a later time)

Do ask:

“Alright man how are we going to get ourselves out of this one?” Your mind now will think of possible solutions until the right one pops up. 

This is empowering while the first question cried victim. 

Love yourself. Become best friends with yourself; you are the only person you will be forced to live with for the rest of your life. 

No matter how much love you give yourself though there will be times when you will disappoint yourself (just like in any other loving relationship).  Remember don’t judge too harshly or praise too highly keep yourself as balanced as you can. 

The battle with ourselves is huge but its regrettably shared with the battle we have with others. Whether we like to admit it or not we are constantly comparing ourselves to others. Things like social status, career, money; fashion, physical appearance and educational legitimacy are just few things that we compare each other with. 

In todays world where social media can make ordinary people seem ‘cool’, ‘successful’ and ‘important’ its scarily easy to compare ourselves to these “characters” and think we are failing in life. I for example am not as cool or interesting as I make myself to be on Instagram, Facebook or Snapchat; I’m cooler. 

Just kidding, but seriously. 

I choose not to show certain struggles or low moments in life on Social media not because I want to give the appearance that my life is perfect but more because I don’t want to bore the few people who do follow me with my petty problems. I want my post to entertain, to help people think, laugh or inspire them in some way. 

We need to remember that we are one of one. We are unique and so is our path in life. Remember it’s a marathon not a sprint. If you see someone doing better then you in a certain area of life that you would like to improve upon, rather then comparing yourself to that person study him or her. Learn from them. I promise you they have there own struggles too, don’t believe all the hype. 

Robin Sharma, best selling author of several books including “The Monk Who Sold his Ferrari”, speaker and success coach talks about the power of positive ‘reference points.’ 

Reference points are examples of people who have found incredible success in an area that you may be looking to succeed in. For example if you are in your golden years wanting to start your own restaurant you might use Colonel Sanders the founder of Kentucky Fried Chicken (KFC) as your positive reference point since he successfully started KFC after the age of 65 after many failures. If he could accomplish this why couldn’t you?

Whatever struggles you are having remember to be your own best friend; don’t compare yourself to others. You and your path is unique and that’s why it is special. At the end of the day it’s only you vs. you. That is all. Don’t judge too harshly, don’t praise too highly.

Your Personal Banker,

Felipe